Change

I work for Queensland Health.

After the State Government's announcement this week that they were cutting 14,000 jobs in the public service, like many of their employees I spent the week on my best behaviour, scrutinising every whisper I saw my boss make and jumping everytime she called my name...for fear I would be pulled into her office where the word 'redundant' would leave her lips and life as I knew it would fall apart. That didn't happen; hasn't happened yet but the thought of it has had me considering what I would do if I lost my job.

I don't like change, especially when things are going splendidly as they are. My job is wonderful, it fits in perfectly with my role as a mother and I know the job like the back of my hand so it is not difficult most of the time. I can go to work, do my time and then come home and focus on raising Roma. Queensland Heath is a wonderful organisation for accomodating women when they return to work following the birth of a child. My boss has allowed me to reduce my hours from full-time to only 2 days per week until Roma is in school, whilst also allowing me to switch to day shifts instead of shift work which would have had me working up until midnight some days.

This flexibility has allowed me to pop Roma into regular family day care which she loves and is thriving in. However more change is expected there soon.

Roma's wonderful, amazing family day carer Lou told me on Thursday that she has decided to resign and it bought me to tears. Roma loves her, I love her and Roma has only just started saying her name 'Lou Lou,' it is so sweet and she really is quite attached to her carer. Lou Lou was perfect for Roma, fully of energy and always stimulating her, encouraging her and providing her with new toys and activities. Now she will be leaving and I am yet to find out who her replacement is.

Thankfully her day care arrangement works slightly differently to the norm and Lou is actually contracted from another woman who oversees the care. So that means for us, Roma still keeps her child care place and will still be cared for in the same home but Lou will move out and someone else will move in. I just hope she is as wonderful as Lou and that Roma bonds to her just as easily. One of the things...let me rephrase that...the biggest thing that makes me happy to go off to work each day is the knowledge that Roma is safe, happy and loved in her daycare home, without that feeling of contentment, I certainly would not be able to do my job as well as I do.

So thank you Lou for being wonderful and for caring for Roma so well, you will be missed. And although I resist, I know I will have to get used to the change

Relinquishing the seed

Should I have another baby?

Every six months the fertility clinic sends me an invoice for $225 to store the 11 vials of my donor's sperm that I have left. Since the last payment I have been considering whether I want to continue keeping the sperm, or let it go. It comes down to whether I think I will need it.
Which brings me to the question, do I want another baby?

At the moment, the answer is no, I have my hands full with Roma so do not think I would be able to give two children, the same level of time and patience I give to Roma. Plus, I don't feel the desire, or urge for another child, like I did for Roma. She gives me all the joy and love I hoped for, so there's no hole to fill anymore.
Yes, it would be beneficial for her to have a sibling to play with but I think the fact that I will be spending more quality time with Roma during her childhood, because she is an only child will be beneficial too. So I guess I have made up my mind, but still, it is hard to sign the paperwork to relinquish the seed. What if I change my mind? What if I get the urge again? This is possible, but thankfully I have Roma's donor in our lives, alive and willing to donate again if need be. So there's no real risk...but still, by signing that paperwork, I am taking a step, making a choice not to have anymore.

I wish I could transfer the vials to someone else, and I asked the clinic if I could do this, but it seems I cannot because they have identifying information on them. Because we conceived under a known donor arrangement, they could only be used with someone under the same arrangement.

A part of me is sad that I will probably not see Roma playing with a sister or brother one day, she loves other children. However since Roma was conceived, her donor has donated again to another clinic as an ID release donor, and since doing so has given life to 3 girls and 2 boys, so perhaps one day I will see my vision become reality after all.

Where to from here??

The aftermath of being on television has been both uplifting and dissapointing as Wil, Megan and I have received both positive and negative feedback from the 60 Minutes article. The vast majority of feedback I have received has been exceedingly positive and I am so glad that we have been able to touch so many. A lot of support has come from the SMC community which i am very thankful for, it seems many were bought to tears by my story - due in part I think to their ability to empathise with me as our journeys are bound to be similar. Although any mother that sees another mother in tears at the thought of how much love their child brings to their lives is likely to shed a tear, I think. The 60 minutes facebook page also had about 250 comments about the show, largely positive and family and friends have also been extremely supportive.

A transcript of the online chat i took part in after the show is now available online and i was able to read over my responses for the first time. I acutely remember the one now dubbed 'the Ryan question' as it was the only critical one to make it past the moderator. The moderator told me i didn't have to answer it but i wanted to. I especially want to help the critics understand why I decided this path for myself and my family. I am quite chuffed with my response, I think I nailed it!

Megan had one young girl she teaches, come up to her for a hug telling Megan that she is an inspiration and Wil had a teenage boy tell him, he too would like to donate sperm some day. Kids can be so sweet. However they have both also been subject to critisism in their small town and I feel for them. Some adults are not as open minded as the children. They are very strong people so I'm sure they will brush it off but I do feel a sense of responsibility for asking them to take part in the program in the first place. The very very last thing I want to do is be responsible for bringing them any pain.

Emma's freespermdonations.com website has received an influx of new donors, thanks to the story which is fantastic news. Many of them are married men, who after discussing it with their wives, decided it was something they would like to do. Well done to Wil and Megan for showing Australia that sperm donors are largely just ordinary Aussie guys who like to make a difference, and that they too can benefit from donating sperm.

A reporter from a newspaper of a nearby town has requested an interview with me and although initially enthusiastic I am feeling a bit cautious about where it is all heading. How far do I persue this? Do I want to be the face of donor conception? Do I want Roma to be? Someone has to do it, I know, but I do like my privacy and the spotlight is certainly not something I crave.
Due to the American couples participation in the 60 minutes story, it could be aired in the US, and I am waiting to hear now whether that will occur.

I have some thinking to do...

Success on 60 Minutes!

Well, that was a resounding success!

Our story aired on 60 Minutes last night as I clutched the edge of my seat for quarter of an hour surrounded by my best friend, family, wine, chocolate and my mobile phone! Roma stayed up for the occasion and recognised herself, Wil, Megan and I on TV and was bouncing up and down with excitement. My parents, sisters and friend all screamed when my face appeared on the screen and the cheering didnt stop for the whole segment. They were proud of me for being brave enough to tell our story and I was also proud of Wil and Megans involvement. We all did a wonderful job :)

Overall I am really pleased with how we were all presented and portrayed, we all spoke well and the message we were trying to get across reached its target. A shame the book wasn't mentioned within the story and that none of the cute footage taken of Wil cuddling Roma made it to air, but aside from that I will say a job well done to the 60 Minutes team.

After it ended I promptly put Roma to bed before heading behind closed doors to take part in the online chat. Nerves and a pulsating headache didn't stop me from regurgitating everything I could think of to inspire and inform the fellow chatterers about everything from how much it cost to where to start the process. There was only really one 'hairy' question that I needed to word carefully but for the most part people were eager to know more information so they too can have a child through donor conception.

I am really glad to have been given the opportunity to reach so many people and I am sure babies will be born as a result.

The full story is available to view on the 60 Minutes website here http://sixtyminutes.ninemsn.com.au/article.aspx?id=8525349 and the online chat transcript after the show can be seen here http://sixtyminutes.ninemsn.com.au/article.aspx?id=8526498

My awesome sister has put together a youtube video to help promote the book, and the message, it can be seen here http://youtu.be/Hn37jRZ-Th4

It's all coming together

Well things are starting to be put into place for our 60 minutes story this Sunday night. The 60 minutes website has a small written preview of the story http://sixtyminutes.ninemsn.com.au/article.aspx?id=8525349 with a link to our book at the bottom of the page :)
Also my photo is up on their chatroom page in preparation for the online chat happening after the show http://sixtyminutes.ninemsn.com.au/chat/629143/60-minutes-chat-room

My parents and siblings and I are going to watch the show together at my sisters house, so it should be an exciting (and nerve wracking and busy) night!
I'm looking forward to it though and hope everyone can tune in to see Roma's first TV appearance and help support the SMC choice :)

60 Minutes!

After months of preparation, days of filming and now weeks of waiting, I can now finally reveal that Roma, her sperm donor Wil, his wife Megan and I are going to be featured in a 60 minutes article this sunday night, 2nd September at 7.30pm on channel 9.

The article is about known sperm donor families and how the choice is increasing in its popularity here and in the US.
We did the filming over a month ago, before the Olympics, and its now all edited and ready to air!
Yikes! I'm excited and nervous and can't wait to see the finished product!
I'm hoping it will bring the issue to dinner tables all over Australia and in doing so will make it a more understood option for women. I hope to reduce whatever remaining stigma there is attached to sperm donation and allow people to realise that it is a very real option to creating a happy, stable family. The 60 minutes team are going to put a link to my book on their website and I will be on the online chat after the story airs.

Teeth

Teeth.
I have taken them for granted for so many years, too long it seems. This week I was reminded how valuable my teeth are, how precious they are and how easily they can be lost. As a consequence I now value Roma's teeth alot more too.

I never really went to the dentist as a child, I vaguely remember the primary school dental van but I never went in high school. My parents had false teeth from their early twenties so they never went to the dentist either. So I was not taught about the importance of going to the dentist, I knew thoeretically I was supposed to go to the dentist every 6 months, but I assumed that was just for rich people or people who had teeth problems, I never had any pain or felt any holes, so why waste my money?

Then the other day i felt a little hole, and then a crack and then one morning a whole chunk of my molar fell out. I panicked and called a dentist. So along I went and had it filled during a terrible ordeal that i don't think i will repeat only to say that i am never going to that dentist again. But it was through that experience I decided to get a full clean and check (with another dentist). This dentist was much more polite and pleasant and he explained to me how decay forms and how it can go unoticed for years before it is too late and he removed a stain from my front teeth i thought was permanent, that i had since i was a child. Luckily i had no other decay (I put that down to the fact that i dont drink soft drink) and afterwards i had a new respect for dental care. The dentist also taught me how to ensure Roma's teeth are taken care of and she isn't afraid of the dentist, advice which i am going to take up.

Coincidentally my sister has recently also gone to a dentist after years of neglecting her teeth (as I had). She has to have 3 removed, and replaced with permanent false teeth costing $15,000. With an 11 month old baby, and her husbands single income it is money she doesnt have. So what now? That is up to her to decide and i thank my lucky stars i dont have the same dilemma. I am going to make sure Roma never has to face that dilemma either.